


"You won't die... Not on my watch!"

by NatRomanov



Series: Stories of love and loss [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Blood and Injury, F/M, Gunshot Wounds, Heavy Angst, I cried while writing this, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:36:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28735848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatRomanov/pseuds/NatRomanov
Summary: "I-I'm gonna die, right?", you managed to press out, voice already weak and tears were rolling down your cheeks."You won't die... Not on my watch. You just gotta hold on a bit longer, okay? Y-you're gonna be fine."Having worked for the agency meant he knew exactly how critical the entire situation was, especially if the bullet hit some of your organs, and with just how much blood you were losing, he was praying that the ambulance would show up quickly.
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel & Main Character, 707 | Choi Luciel & Reader, 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character, 707 | Choi Luciel/Reader
Series: Stories of love and loss [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118108
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a tumblr request and they asked for no happy end, so... this really broke my heart :) 
> 
> It's the first time I'm really writing anything that's angsty angst, so I hope I did it justice and you guys still like it!

It surely felt like the universe seemed to finally be on Saeyoung's side, seeing how things had progressed in the past couple of months. Him and Vanderwood got out of the agency, and his former supervisor still showed up from time to time. He always claimed it was to make sure that the three troublemakers were still alive, but it was no real secret, that he had grown quite fond of all of them. No one ever said it out loud, though.  
Then there was his twin, who was doing way better at that point. Saeran wasn't a big fan of crowds or outings with the rest of the RFA, but he opened up a lot more to his brother and you. It always warmed the redheads heart whenever he saw the two most important people in his life interact and even laugh together.  
And you... There were no words to describe just how happy he was about having you at his side. No matter what he'd went through, and also put you through at the same time, you were always there, never letting him face things alone and you always seemed to know exactly when he needed you the most.   
Saeyoung was convinced that you were actually an angel. Sometimes it still felt like a dream to him that you two were engaged and already planning your wedding. 

Although one thing still had to be dealt with and that was his father. No one knew what the prime minister could and would do, if he got his hands on the twins. But it had been kind of quiet for a while and that's why he wasn't too worried for the moment. He'd definitely deal with it later, though. 

For now he wanted to enjoy a nice night out with his closest friends and the love of his life. Everyone had gathered at a nice restaurant and later on went to a somewhat hole in the wall bar afterwards. After all it had been quite some time since they all managed to find a date where everyone was free to meet up. The only one that didn't join was Saeran, who wasn't yet up for those kinds of shenanigans, which they all understood and respected. 

It was already rather late at night, when it was decided that it was probably time to head home and you and Saeyoung were the first ones to leave the bar, telling the others you'd wait for them outside, because you were getting kind of hot due to the alcohol you've had and wanted to get some fresh air. So of course your fiancé accompanied you. You were in an amazing mood after spending the night with the people closest to you and were giggling when Saeyoung decided to grab your left hand and press a kiss to your engagement ring, before he spun you around, his eyes gleaming with pure adoration when he saw the glee on your face and your wide smile. He'd never get enough of it. 

He was so lost in his thoughts, that he noticed too late how your expression changed, as you glanced behind him. From confusion, to shock and then panic when you saw a man in a suit suddenly pointing a gun at him. Just when he turned around to see what caused you to panic, you were already standing in front of him, back facing him. A loud shot rang in his ears, eyes going wide in sheer horror.   
Your body slumped into his and he quickly wrapped his arms around your waist to steady you, though you two still sank to the ground.

The man was cursing quietly about missing his target and that they'd come back for the bastard, before he disappeared into a dark alley. Just as the rest of their group came rushing out, to see what the loud noise had been. But everyone stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the scene before them.

Saeyoung carefully laid you down on the ground, hands trembling as his gaze glided over your form and he saw the blood seeping out of your abdomen, dying your shirt crimson. "No, no, no...", he muttered and quickly applied pressure, forcing himself not to pull back, even when you whimpered at the added pain the pressure caused. He just needed to to stop the bleeding! "Call an ambulance, damnit!" Jumin was the first one to snap out of his state of shock and quickly grabbed his phone to do as he told. 

"I-I'm gonna die, right?", you managed to press out, voice already weak and tears were rolling down your cheeks.   
"You won't die... Not on my watch. You just gotta hold on a bit longer, okay? Y-you're gonna be fine."   
Having worked for the agency meant he knew exactly how critical the entire situation was, especially if the bullet hit some of your organs, and with just how much blood you were losing, he was praying that the ambulance would show up quickly. 

Once he noticed how your eyes constantly closed, no matter how much effort you put into trying to keep them open, he felt raw panic bubble up inside of himself and he shook you lightly. "Hey, no! Babe, look at me... You need to stay awake, you hear me? W-we still n-need to get married... And we w-wanted to take Saeran on a vacation, remember? Please... Please hold on." 

Your body felt weak and all you really noticed was how tired you were, not even really registering the pain anymore. It took you a lot of effort to raise your hand and brush your fingertips against his cheek, at the same time you forced a small smile to your lips. "I love you...", you whispered, your hand already falling back down, too drained to keep it up any longer.   
"I love you, too. I love you more than anything and that's why you have to stay with me, okay? You have to-", Saeyoung got cut off by a choked sob. 

His entire body was trembling as he saw how your eyes became dull, all color seemingly left your skin and your eyelids slowly fell shut.   
"Y/N! Don't leave me... please wake up. You have to!", he cried and pressed you close to his chest. He was pleading over and over again for you to open your eyes praying that you'd be fine, but deep down he knew that it was too late. All he could do at that point was cling to your lifeless body, face buried in your hair, as tears streamed down his face. 

He didn't notice anything around him. Not how Yoosung was crying behind you two, how Jaehee was still frozen in shock and unable to believe what was happening, or how Zen had put a hand on his shoulder and talked to him. Nor did he hear the sirens of the ambulance or saw the flashing lights of it. 

Only when they had to basically pry him off of you, did the redhead somewhat snap out of it, and all of a sudden it felt like all strength left his body and he could only watch how the medics took your pulse, though there was nothing they could do for you anymore. He watched as they put your unmoving form into the vehicle, his sight blurred by the tears that were still falling. 

The person that meant most to him was dead. And it was his fault. Because he had been too sure of himself and his abilities. He should've been more careful, should've payed more attention to everything... Then you would've surely still been alive. Now he'd never get to hear your laugh again, see your bright smile, feel your gentle touch, hear your soothing voice, wake up and fall asleep with you in his arms...

You were gone and it was all his fault.


	2. "Does it ever stop hurting?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He still blamed himself for everything that had happened, and despite what everyone else told him, he was sure that if he would've been more careful, more attentive, you'd still be around. That he'd still be able to wake up next to you every morning. Hear your laugh, hold you in his arms. But all he had left now were memories and your belongings that he couldn't bare to throw out. It was everything he had left of you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a rather spontaneous decision to add a second chapter. I've had this idea for a couple days and just needed to get it out.
> 
> Also, there will be a follow up oneshot with Vanderwood, that's kind of related to this. With less angst, though xD

Everything had changed, ever since you were gone. You had basically been the glue, holding everyone together and your death left a big hole in everyone's hearts. The RFA chatroom wasn't as lively as it had once been, old habits resurfaced and there was a certain distance again.   
Every member was affected in some sort of way. For example, Saeran became more quiet again, spent more time alone, like he had done before. 

And of course, the one who got affected the most by everything was Saeyoung. Even if it had already been six months since the fateful night, it still haunted him.   
After all, he'd just found someone who loved him unconditionally for who he was, someone who was willing to go everywhere with him, no matter the costs. In return, he had loved you just as much. Which made the fact that he couldn't keep his promise of protecting you from any harm even worse. 

He still blamed himself for everything that had happened, and despite what everyone else told him, he was sure that if he would've been more careful, more attentive, you'd still be around. That he'd still be able to wake up next to you every morning. Hear your laugh, hold you in his arms. But all he had left now were memories and your belongings that he couldn't bare to throw out. It was everything he had left of you... 

Then there were the nightmares. Nearly every night he'd dream of you. Sometimes it started out nice, with both of you being happy. But it always shifted and the night of your death would replay over and over again. The gunshot ringing in his ears, your body going limp in his arms, all the blood coming out of the wound on your stomach, which he desperately tried to stop. And the moment your heart stopped beating. At times it was even more cruel, with you telling him how it was all his fault, that you hated him for breaking his promise, for letting you die like that and not saving you. Even when your last words had been that you loved him, Saeyoung couldn't even have blamed you for hating him. He fully understood. 

Sometimes things got so bad, that he was trashing around and screaming in his sleep, up to the point where his twin basically ran into his room to wake him up. Saeran wasn't exactly the best at comforting people, but he would always sit with his brother until he had at least calmed down a little bit. And the younger one was extremely grateful for the times Vanderwood stayed over and would take care of everything.

It was one of those nights. Saeyoung nearly screaming his lungs out about how you had to stay awake, that he'd do anything to get you back...  
With his lips pressed into a line, Vanderwood walked up to him and shook him awake. The redhead nearly shot up into a sitting position, panting and sweating and his eyes wide in horror of what he'd had to witness once again.   
Letting out a quiet sigh, Vanderwood pulled him wordlessly into a hug and that's when Saeyoung nearly broke down completely. With his hands fisted into the back of the others shirt, he let the tears stream freely down his cheeks. And his former colleague just held him, enough of an indicator to let him know what he wasn't alone.

Eventually he managed to calm down again and the sobs turned into quiet sniffles. If he was being honest, he was way too exhausted to feel embarrassed over what had just happened. And he knew that, after everything they also went through as agents, Vanderwood would be the last one to judge him for a breakdown like that.   
"Does it ever stop hurting?", he eventually spoke up quietly, his voice weak and raspy from all the crying. 

The brunette kept quiet for a moment and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling, as he was seemingly lost in thoughts.   
"No, you just make room for it."   
There was no reason to lie. Lies didn't always make things better, in his experience.   
"There will always be some amount of pain. Especially when something happened to the first person you really loved. Maybe it will get better at some point, more bearable and you'll manage to move on in your life. But you will never forget or forgive yourself and it will never truly stop hurting." 

The look he got from Saeyoung, with his brows furrowed, told him that he wanted to know how he knew so well about that kind of pain, but Vanderwood only shrugged it off and got back up from the edge of the bed.   
"A story for another time. Maybe. Now try and get some more rest, okay?" 

He watched as his former supervisor left his room, but he knew that there was no way he'd go back to sleep. He never did after nightmares, because he was way too afraid that they'd return.   
Instead he decided to get back on his computer and continue his mission of tracking down the bastard that dared to take the love of his life from him. Seeing as that guy was connected to his father, things were a little tricky, but he swore to himself that he'd find him. 

And that he did. It was late afternoon of the same day when he finally found out about the whereabouts of your murderer. He was dead set on taking care of himself, but there was one thing that he forgot about; Vanderwood was still at their house. Also, it was incredibly difficult to sneak past him. So it was no surprise that, just as Saeyoung was packing a bag, the other man showed up in his room and leaned against the doorframe with a raised brow. 

"What do you plan on doing with all that stuff?"   
The redhead didn't even look at him and just shrugged with one shoulder.   
"Finally taking care of someone. He doesn't deserve to live another day. Not when Y/N-", he cut himself off and stopped in his tracks for a bit to collect himself again. That was no moment to let his emotions take over again. He had to focus on what he'd learned at the agency! 

But before he had a chance to grab the next piece of equipment, Vanderwood had simply snatched the bag out of his hands and threw it over his shoulder.   
"You know that killing him wont bring them back, right?"   
Silence and glassy eyes were his only answer and in that moment, he felt his resolve crumble. Damn that guy and how he made him always get all sentimental and soft.   
"Tell you what... If you really want him gone, I'll do it for you. Mainly because I know you've always hated everything that involved killing people. And we don't need to add this to the things that could trigger your nightmares."   
"You don't have to-"  
Vanderwood cut him off quickly. "I know, but I'll still do it. You better be here for your brother. You two need each other." 

That seemed to snap him out of it and with a quiet "thank you" the two men walked back to the PC setup, where Saeyoung debriefed him on everything he had managed to find out about the guy.   
"Alright, done worse before. I'll call you when it's done." 

There wasn't really much left to say and once Vanderwood had left, the other one sank further into his chair, where he remained for a while.   
But soon the anxiety set in as he was just sitting around and basically staring at his phone. He knew it wouldn't be over that quickly and his phone wouldn't ring for a while, and still... 

So he rather made a decision to distract himself by visiting you and switch out the flowers there, while he was already at it.   
Once he stood in front of your grave, he was nearly clinging to the flowers in his hands, before he took the old ones out of the vase to put the new bouquet in.   
"I remember the first time we came to visit you and I just wanted to lay the flowers down... Saeran got so mad at me, because of course they last longer when you put them in water", he began with a laugh, one that was a little choked as he sat down in the grass. 

"He... also taught me a bit of flower language. I don't remember half of it, but uhm... I do remember that carnation, specifically red carnation, means admiration and missing someone. God knows I've always admired how strong you were. And I miss you so much. We all do."   
Saeyoung stopped and took a deep breath, as he wiped his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.   
"Red tulips symbolize true love. That's why I thought I'd get you a bouquet with those flowers, this time. I really hope you like them." 

Another moment of silence and he started to pick at some grass blades to keep his hands busy. "I always feel a bit better when I come here to talk to you, you know? Now let's see what I could tell you about what's been going on..."   
With that he began to talk about all kinds of things, how he'd kept himself busy with work and started building toys again. That he was planning to surprise Saeran with a joined flower and toy shop and whatever news there were about the rest of the RFA.

He only cut himself off in his ramblings when his phone dinged and he got a text from Vanderwood that simply contained "It's done".  
Letting out a long sigh, Saeyoung ran a hand through his hair. "I know it's true what Mary said... It won't bring you back, but at least now he's not getting away with ripping you out of our lives like this." His voice broke off at the end and he squeezed his eyes shut, before he noticed just how late it had gotten and that it was already dark.   
"I should go... You'd probably tell me to not be an idiot and go home, instead of wandering around in the dark." A weak chuckle. "But I promise I'll come back, soon. I love you, Y/N. I'll never stop loving you."

With that, if a little reluctantly, he got up and dusted off his pants, before he pushed his hands deep into his pockets and made his way back home. He knew that someday he'll get to see you again, someday you'd be reunited again. And he was hoping you'd wait for him until then.


End file.
